Waking Up to Reality
The Urgency of Disillusionment in Today's World
Key Takeaways:
Waking up to the truth and letting go of false beliefs is essential for healing and personal growth.
The current state of the world requires us to become disillusioned and take action to address issues such as climate change, oppression, and corruption.
Disillusionment can be a challenging and uncomfortable process, but it leads to a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world.
Becoming disillusioned with societal expectations and beliefs allows us to embrace our true selves and live authentically.
Healing disillusionment as a community is important for creating a better future and living from a place of love.
“I’ve been through a series of disillusionments and you may think that’s a bad thing, but it's a good thing. Because would you rather be illusions or disillusioned? Would you rather have your illusions about the world, or would you rather see things as they are?” - Gabor Mate
adjective: disillusioned
cause (someone) to realize that a belief they hold is false.
Dear Diary,
Not too long ago, I prayed a prayer I thought I would never pray. I ask the sacred divine within to give me clarity to see, hear, and feel life more clearly. To take all false perceptions away. I wanted to see things as they truly were.
I was finally ready to break spells, heal generational curses, and undergo a massive shift I never knew was possible.
A big part of healing is waking the fuck up. Waking up to all the stories and beliefs you've allowed to live rent-free in your head. The stories and beliefs that hold you back from your authenticity, vulnerability, and full self-expression. The stories and beliefs that keep you quiet, saying "yes" when you want to say "no", and allow others to overstep your boundaries. The stories and beliefs that keep you believing other people's bullshit and lies.
We are in a time when spells are being broken, the veil is being lifted, and we see things for how they truly are.
Lifting the veil is the equivalent of going to the bar you were at the night before. When you walk in, to your surprise, the bar is filthy. Cracked paint on the walls, ripped furniture, uneven tables, sticky floors, garbage, sidewalk full of vomit. Just the night before, it appeared to be the most beautiful place you've ever been to, but with a bit of light, you see the fallacies.
This is what we're currently experiencing in our society. As a collective, we're seeing everything for what it truly is: the good, the bad, and the ugly. We see our politicians for who they are: world leaders, influencers, co-workers, friends, family members, and even ourselves.
Illusions and delusion are potent tools for oppressors; they will have you believing a lie and rebuking the truth, convincing you to fight their battles while simultaneously oppressing you.
If there ever were a time for us to wake the fuck up, it would be now.
Our world is literally on fire because of climate change.
Natural disasters are decimating countries.
Multiple wars.
Multiple genocides and ethnic cleansings.
Oppression.
Corruption.
People live without food or clean water.
Housing crises.
Modern-day slavery.
I share more on this subject in the "Welcome to the Shit Show that is Our World" post.
I don't share this with you to scare you, but I share this with you to wake you the fuck up.
To quote Lalah Dela, "If we are to vibrate higher and expand in consciousness, we cannot turn a blind eye to the injustice and suffering that exists in the world. It is our calling to rise above complicity and complacency." (Read this entire thread, it's incredibly powerful)
We must go through the process of becoming disillusioned if we are to come out of this alive. The process will look different for everyone. The avenue in which we get there won't be the same. But at the end of the day, we must come to the same conclusion. And that, my friend is, our current situation is not working.
This shit isn't working for anyone.
😵💫 Becoming Disillusioned
I am no stranger to being disillusioned.
As a young black girl in America, I had no choice but to become disillusioned. Being illusioned as a black girl or a black woman is incredibly dangerous. We don't have the luxury of living in a dream world. We don't have the privilege of turning a blind eye to others' oppression because we know that our oppression is intricately intertwined with others. At a very young age, most black Americans have to wake up to reality because if we don't, we will either end up dead, forgotten, or left behind.
I was ten the first time I became disillusioned; an elder in my church told me my grandmother wouldn't go to heaven because she went to church on Sunday instead of Saturday. I questioned his logic. If God was all-forgiving, and you worshiped this all-forgiving God, why would he care what day you went to church?
The second time I became disillusioned, I was fifteen. It was the first time I had questioned the existence of God. I didn't understand why there was so much suffering in the world if there was an all-loving God. I pondered and pondered, and the more I pondered, I realized I didn't believe in anything I had been taught over the last 15 years as a child. At that moment, the concept of God was dead.
The third time I became disillusioned, I was in my mid-twenties and decided once and for all that I didn't believe in the God I was taught about throughout my youth. My values aligned with the core of religious teachings, such as being kind to others not lying, cheating, or stealing, but I questioned everything outside of that core. For an unconditional god, he sure was conditional, and so were most of the people who followed him or taught his teachings. I wanted the Jesus who hung out with prostitutes, the poor, and the destitute. Not this figure in the sky that could do no wrong while he made everyone's life miserable, and I had to do what, sit there and take it? No, thank you.
This series of disillusionment led me to my definition of God, the divine, and the sacred. It allowed me to discover what I knew to be true, that I was whole and complete; there was nothing for me to do. I didn't have to pray profusely to an unknown figure in the sky for forgiveness or redemption. I no longer believed that I was a sinner and would remain one until a white man from the cosmos came to the rescue and pardon me for my sins. I decided I could feel whole and complete all on my own.
Which also included a lot of therapy 😂
As life went on and I became older and wiser, learned to trust myself, and formed my thoughts and opinions, disillusionment continued.
I became disillusioned:
With politicians, leaders, mentors, and change-makers I once respected. Those I looked up to for hope and change were indeed human and sometimes play into their own interests, disenfranchising the humans they promised to help.
With whiteness or being in close proximity to whiteness and the belief that assimilating into white culture would keep me safe or allow me to be accepted. I used to ask God why he made me black. I would ask with tears in my eyes. I hated the color of my skin, the texture of my hair, anything that had to do with my blackness. I wanted my hair to flow like my white friends. I wanted blond hair and blue eyes and to be desired like my white friends were desired. But this has come to an end.
I love who I am; I love being black, the color of my skin, the texture of my hair, and everything that centers around my blackness. I am still very much in the process of becoming disillusioned in this area of my life. The layers run very deep, and I find at times that it's not my belief or story that still hides in my body, but very much society. When you're still seen as a threat, or someone who isn't worth taking care of, or you have to keep telling people that your life matters, it's easy to internalize anti-blackness. For me, it's become a daily practice to disillusion and divorce myself from others' thoughts and beliefs about me because of the color of my skin.
With the coaching and personal development industry. First of all, I want to say I believe in coaching wholeheartedly. Anything that provides tools, witnessing, a safe space to be fully self-expressed, and gives you insight into yourself so you can become a better human is always my jam, but I should have known that anything with the word "industry" behind it was bad news.
I had to disillusion myself from the belief that everyone who decides to become a coach, whether focusing on trauma, sex, love, relationships, life transitions, leadership, etc, means well and coaches from the heart. Not everyone goes into this business with the best of intentions. Some individuals are truly dedicated to transforming the lives of others, but most just want to profit from their audiences trauma and pain.
I had to become disillusioned that those who went into this profession wanted to serve the whole of humanity, but some only want to serve those who think, look, and feel like them.
I had to become disillusioned that those who focused on spiritual and personal development put people over profit. Still, in the past eight years, I have learned that capitalism is one hell of a drug, and people would rather go about business as usual than possibly lose their coins.
I had to become disillusioned that humans in this profession believed in equality and justice for all, but I soon found out that the wellness space is rife with white supremacy, bigotry, homophobia, and transphobia. Even well-meaning white coaches have their implicit biases that many are unwilling to sit down and take an honest look at how their unconscious behaviors may be causing another person harm.
I explore more about this in "Beyond White Wellness."
But it wasn't just the disillusionment of others I had to come to terms with; I also had to become disillusioned with myself. Who I was as a human. The choices I was making. What I was still choosing to believe. The stories I was telling about myself to myself. I had to go into some dark places to discover the truth of who I was, heal those still wounded parts, and release the stories & beliefs that were not serving me. I also had to be honest about where I was holding on to past pain, trauma, and wounding and get honest about how holding onto these events was serving me. I had to find the parts of my life where I was lying to others and myself.
🧚🏾 Breaking the Spell
The first step towards disillusionment is asking why. "Why" is a powerful question. Because when this word leaves your lips, you realize that nothing is as it seems.
Why do I believe what I believe?
Why do I take it as the truth?
Why do I allow these beliefs to control my life?
You must be willing to integrate yourself, and every thought and perception, to get to the core of your beliefs.
Asking "why" is terrifying because we're encouraged to follow without question. As children, our "why" is met with "because I said so." We are trained to take the word of others over our intuition. Our emotions are often manipulated, so we trust others' words over how we genuinely feel.
Becoming disillusioned is messy, confronting, and sometimes uncomfortable. It requires you to go layer by layer and examine every story, belief, and perception living inside your mind, body, and soul. You have to question everything you've been told by well-meaning people who once had your best interest at heart. And once you come to terms with no longer believing in these stories, beliefs, and perceptions, you realize you are no longer the person you thought you were. A blank slate. And the process of becoming who you truly are begins. Building trust in yourself is no easy or small feat, but it is necessary if you want to live in the truth of who you are.
It is important that through out this process you take care of yourself by:
Taking the time to grieve. Coming to the conclusion that you no longer believe in a doctrine, ideology, or set of beliefs can be very daunting. At first, it will feel good to let go of beliefs that seemed to control your entire life, but their absence, the absence of the people you love, and your traditions and rituals will be heavy on the heart. Make sure you take time to cry for this loss. Even if it negatively impacted your life, it was deeply important to you at one point, so it's more than okay to grieve.
Forgive yourself and others. It's important to practice forgiveness in this process. As you become disillusioned, you may find that you harmed others because of what you believed. You may find that others harmed you because of what they believed. Give yourself grace and self-compassion. Forgive yourself and others so you don't create guilt that follows you into your future. Forgiving the past is a way of releasing its hold on you and reminding yourself that you can choose to do things differently.
Get into community. Share what you're going through with people you love and love you. Be open and honest about what you're currently feeling. You don't have to go through this process alone; it's better to do it in community.
Create a vision. What is your vision for the future? Now that you're shedding and releasing old beliefs, what do you believe? How do those beliefs shape and mold you as an individual?
You may lose friends, family, and community members along the way. And perhaps some of the sacred rituals you hold dear to your heart and soul. You may miss feeling like you're special. You may miss feeling like you were a part of something important, but seeing, hearing, and speaking things as they are is entirely worth it.
You may be in the process of becoming disillusioned with politics, spirituality, religion, or a community that had an ethos that deeply resonated with you. This co-illusion keeps us feeling seen, accepted, loved, and sometimes safe. Humans are social creatures with a need for belonging, but you'll find the more you come to the truth of who you are, you will attract people who are aligned and share the same values. You will find yourself hiding less and less, and you will find the ability to create space for your full self-expression.
Healing disillusionment as a community is the ultimate goal. Becoming disillusioned as a collective is powerful. When we no longer dream from a place of illusion, we can become visionaries and create the world of tomorrow. Being a visionary allows us to create the future from a space of imagination and wisdom. We can see what is real and begin to heal our wounds so we don't bring them into our future.
Disillusionment gives me hope. It removes my head from the clouds and keeps my feet on the ground. Because even though I see the evils of life, I also see the sweetness, and it reminds me that as humans, we also can create beauty and goodness. It reminds me we can also live from a place of love.
Here is your invitation to say the prayer that continues to bring me back into alignment with my heart, especially in moments when I feel I have lost my way:
The divine within give me clarity.
Allow me to see, hear, and feel life more clearly.
Take all false perceptions away.
Let me see things as they truly are.
May we all say this prayer, and may the words illuminate our path to the sweetest disillusionment.
👀Sneak Peak of Thursdays “Shits & Giggles” Newsletter:
“Healing My Internalized Anti-Blackness” - Excerpt
My anti-blackness has dictated most of my choices in life. Who I dated, who I was intimate with, my friendships, what I wore, where I worked. All my choices steered me further and further away from what I perceived as the not-so-nice, undesirable, unacceptable parts of me.
Self-hate runs deep in the black community. I can't tell you how many conversations I've had with my friends and family members who have struggled most of their lives to love and accept themselves in a world that is constantly telling them that they're not good enough, they have to work twice as hard for half the reward, and that there are only so many seats at the table. And not only are there so many seats at the table, but you have to be a specific type of black person even to get a seat. Assimilation, respectability, and desirability have been the name of the game as a black woman in America, and if you refuse to play, you often find yourself falling behind. There are standards placed on black women that are not placed on most women in America.
We must be intelligent, educated, beautiful, well-spoken, sexual but not too sexual, graceful, feminine, soft, presentable, and approachable. These are some of the bare minimum "skills" a black woman must possess to survive. Our ability to thrive in most spaces is stripped away from us because of the high expectations placed on us. Being enough has become a quest to fulfill, but it is unattainable because we don't set the standards white supremacy and patriarchy do. And even though the standards are placed too high, if I've learned anything from being a black woman, we will show up and show out, even if it's to our detriment.
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